User:Captain Cornflake@legacy41957168

Life Bio
Born in the New England state of Connecticut, Dennis (known as The Capn to most others) has spent tons of his life gaming and on the internet. His primary hobby is web design, and currently moderately successful gaming website VG Resource Center. He's been gaming since he was a wee lad, when his mom introduced him to the Atari 2600 and NES. Since then, he has aquired nearly 200 legal copies of games spanning across 15 platforms, and countless "others" that he plays on his computer.

He is also an avid Halo PC player, which he's been reguarly playing online since April of 2004. He dabbles in modding for it, and reguarly gets his ass beaten online.

ZU Bio
The Capn is one of ZU's more 'interesting' members, critically acclaimed for his clever and effortless ownages on the forums throughout the second half of his tenure on the forums. However, every story has a beginning at some point, and that is where I will begin.

Beginnings
Contrary to popular belief, Capn has been around long before Zelda Universe existed, and has been there the whole time. The fact the registration date on his forum profile says "April 2003" is just a lie. He was there before Lars had a chance to look at the forums he had just created. In fact, through a miraculous showing of magic, php scripting, and bourbon, created Lars' forum account and set the administrator password. Being the kind person he was, he used his thoughts to transmit the password into Lars' brain. This was confirmed in a later autobiography written by Lars:


 * And then, just as I was about to cry myself to sleep, I heard a magical word: Rosebud. It beckoned me to my computer, upon where I entered it in, and it let me onto my forums! - Lars Christian Simonsen, from the autobiography Rhino Horn Stockpile Management: A Lars Story

Once upon a time, phpBB was a horribly coded pile of trash. Actually, that was all the time. Word of advice, kids, and that's never use phpBB. Despite his almost supernatural presence on the site, going about and downloading all the images onto school computers for no apparent reason at all other than to just download them, the shoddily coded forum system couldn't detect awesomeness through a sixth sense like other forum members could. They knew something great was there, and they clamored to see it. However, upon going to reveal himself to this world, he discovered that phpBB required him to register, putting him on the same level of status as the peons. Upon hitting the 'register' button, the forums couldn't take the sheer load of greatness, and crashed for 2 months. Simply put, it could not handle the strain. Upon this, Lars decided it would be time to get vBulliten. After the installation, a flood of people had their registration dates changed, and were each bribed with being allowed to live, in order to cover up this strange, yet predictable, happening.

Throughout August of 03 until about April of 04 that the Capn sat about, just being there. It was then that he realized that being there wasn't good enough. The occasional post and such didn't do much. It was time for a change. Unfortunately for one man, the change was going to take its first victim.

That 1 man was big_al, a weeny democratic crybaby who whined incessently about how much he disliked George Bush and the Republican party. A liked newb, he somewhat was, but not for much longer, when Capn pounced (along with fellow conservative Bobslob) on one of his threads whining about Bush, in a fierce display of ownage. This developed his taste for blood, and the days of being a peaceful and kind person was over. Somewhat.

Some notable things happened in the next few months. First off, big_al changed his name to Squall15, simply because big_al had so much shame attatched to the name he had to abandon it, thanks to Capn's subsequent efforts. However, it wasn't enough as Squall's rampant liberal brainlessness was exposed to the community, earning him that season's 'Biggest Asshole' award. His credibility was down the drain, and stayed low for awhile after that. Later on, he would change his name to 'Nox,' and thanks to Capn's indirect training, became a productive member and an assistant to his trolling that would become so popular later on.

Another thing happened, and that was in July of 04, when Capn created his very first duplicate account, Hornball Harry at his friend Ben's house. (Who some people may also know as Skeletor on VGRC.net) Together, they wreaked havok for 3 good hours, causing chaos and making fun of perpetual dumbass, Zelink, who at the time had a fascination with hidden Java compilers in the forum code, which he believed would allow people to use high-tech programming languages in their signatures. Another good portion of posts was spent playfully messing around with then moderators SearanoX (who is now an Admin) and The Merchant (who has since dissapeared off the face of the earth) Though Hornball Harry was banished, it served as a powerful learning tool for the Capn.

Mid timeline goes here. I just feel like skipping ahead.

Fun in the Fall
It was in mid-October that Capn decided that things were too boring. People were getting, well, dummified. With well over 25 thousand members, 12 year olds were signing up in droves, with horrid additudes and giant egos. SPANKER OF MEN was the result of that, and it was part of a massive 3-pronged attack that to this day lives in infamy.


 * Part 1: SPANKER OF MEN (Capn) would derail topics. And things had progressed since the days of Hornball Harry. N00bs were shot down in flames, egos were trashed, the SD board was rampaged, and overall, a giant mess was made.
 * Part 2: milk, since Capn's earlier banning, had progressed quite a bit in the harshness department. People were yelled at, often without reason at all. It was this unpredictability he had that almost put him on the same level as Capn. Almost.
 * Part 3: The main entree. The infamous Hacking Scare, upon which 4 retards were flooding the board with posts about how a friend of theirs was going to hack ZU. After the mods had calmed everything down, Capn (under the AIM screename fetusman4711) IM'ed justin3, claiming to be a friend of the hacker, who was going to hack and destroy ZU. To show he was serious, 'fetusman' 'hacked' Capn's site, VGRC.net, which was actually Capn replacing the homepage to look like somebody hacked it, to this page The goal, however, was not to scare, ZU, oh no. It was to own justin3 and his little friends. And justin3 fell right into Capn's trap: He posted another thread on ZU However, Capn was prepared. He swapped the home page again, to this page, revealing the truth! Chaos ensued, causing justin3 to write up a giant paragraph of cuss words and sexual innuendo. This last thread was locked, and soon afterward, both the SPANKS account, as well as milk, were banned.

Quick remaining timeline (Until above is finished):

- Early March 2005: 1000 posts - Spring 2005: After the banning of Hindmost and Kedsy, Capn evolved into the most decorated n00b owner on the forums. - June 2005: Got banned in an attempt to leave the forums. Soon unbanned, but tried to leave anyways. Was back just 2 weeks later. - August 2005: 2000 posts reached in the "Troll to 2000 Marathon!" - August 23, 2005: Banned again. Hopefully won't be unbanned this time, because his sanity depends on it. Title of coolest troll handed down to milk. - November 2, 2005: Registered the domain "zeldauniverse.be," to which he is the owner of. While initially intending to use it for a grand troll, the idea was shelved (like many of his other ideas) and the domain just points to his forum profile. - January 2006: Came back briefly to troll with Emperor Hindmost. During his long absense, it was discovered that many members of the forums did not know the terror of being owned. Capn, masquerading as "BigAssMan," made a brief splash of chaos to address that matter.

He still goes to the ZU Chat Room. He was briefly a sysop here on the wiki, but do to his extreme lack of caring, he isn't anymore.

Interests
Favorite games include Pac-Man Collection, Zelda: A Link to the Past, Metroid Prime, Metroid Prime 2, Halo PC, Perfect Dark, Plok! and Donkey Kong Country 2.

Favorite bands include Led Zeppelin, Soundgarden, Alice in Chains, Audioslave, Pink Floyd, Metallica and Breaking Point.

Cool Facts
Has the largest cock of anybody on ZU.

Listens to a variety of music, such as classic rock, grunge and new rock.

He lives in the same state as Correk.

Links
The Capn's long-running gaming site. It has been a personal project of his since 2000, but launched it as a real gaming site of his in July 2003.

The Capn's ZU forum profile

Cornflake Design The Capn's personal web design site. Portfolio and stuff like that.