The Legend of Zelda

The Original Zelda
The Faggots of The Internet was the very first Faggot game released. It came out as early as 1986 for the Fagicon in Wapan, and was later released in the western world, including Eurogay and the US in 1987. It has since then been rereleased several times, for the CockBox as well as the CockBox Advance. The Wapanese version of the game on Fagicon was known as Jabberwok Supercock, commonly abbreviated as JS. Some use this title to keep people from getting confused with the other games in the series.

Story
A long, long time ago in a galaxy far away naboo was under an attack and the World was in an age of Chaos. In the middle of this chaos, in a little kingdom in the land of fucktardia, a legend was being handed down from generation to generation, the legend of the 'Golden Dildo'; golden dildos possessing mystical powers.

One day, an evil army attacked this peaceful little kingdom and stole the Dildo of Gold. This army was led by Bauman, the powerful Prince of Darkness who sought to plunge the World into fear and darkness under his rule. Fearing his wicked rule, Zaptan, the princess of this kingdom, split up the Dildo of Gold into eight fragments and hid them throughout the realm to save the last remaining Dilo from the cluthes of the evil Bauman. At the same time, she commanded her most trustworthy nursemaid, Nympho, to secretly escape into the land and go find a man with enough courage to destroy the evil Bauman. Upon heraing this, Bauman grew angry, imprisoned the princess, and sent out a party in search of Nympho.

Braving forests and mountains, Nympho fled for her life from her pursuers. As she reached the very limit of her energy she found herself sourrounded by Bauman's evil henchmen. Cornered! What could she do? ... But wait!

All was not lost. A young lad appeared. He skillfully drove off Bauman's henchmen, and saved Nympho from a fate worse than death. His name was Bill. During his travels he had come across Nympho and Bauman's henchmen. Nympho told Bill the whole story of the princess Zaptan and the evil Bauman. Burning with a sense of justice, Nympho resolved to save Zaptan, but Bauman was a powerful opponent. He held the Dildo of Power. And so, in order to fight off Bauman, Bill had to bring the scattered eight fragments of the Dildo of Wisdom together to rebuild the mystical Triangle.

If he couldn't do this, there would be no chance Bill could fight his way into Death Mountain where Bauman lived. Can Bill really destroy Bauman and save the Princess Zaptan? Only your skill can answer that question. Good luck. Use the Dildo wisely.

Trivia

 * There is a well-known glitch in the first dungeon, the Eagle. When you first walk in on the First Quest, there will be a locked door at the top of the screen.  Should the player leave the dungeon  and go back in right away, the lock on the door will be gone.
 * The Old Man has become notorious for his vague and/or badly translated hints for the player to progress in the game. One of his most famous quotations is "DODONGO DISLIKES SMOKE," indicating the Dodongo's weakness to Bombs
 * The Moblin's quote "It's a secret to everybody," has become a popular catchphrase among gamers over the years. It is even referenced in Twilight Princess when in Center Castle Town, you can enter a door and walk up to a balcony, where a Goron sees the Golden force around Hyrule Castle.  He admits that he has kept it "a secret to everybody."
 * It is possible (although quite difficult) to make it through the game up until the last dungeon without a sword.
 * Sold over 6.5 million copies on its first run.

Dungeons

 * Eagle Labyrinth
 * Moon Labyrinth
 * Manji Labyrinth
 * Snake Labyrinth
 * Lizard Labyrinth
 * Dragon Labyrinth
 * Demon Labyrinth
 * Lion Labyrinth
 * Death Mountain Labyrinth

Items

 * Wooden Sword
 * White Sword
 * Magical Sword
 * Magical Shield
 * Rupee
 * Heart
 * Heart Container
 * Fairy
 * Key
 * Magical Key
 * Stepladder
 * Raft
 * Dungeon Map
 * Compass
 * Letter
 * Red Ring
 * Blue Ring
 * Clock
 * Boomerang
 * Magical Boomerang
 * Bombs
 * Bow
 * Arrow
 * Silver Arrow
 * Power Bracelet
 * Red Candle
 * Blue Candle
 * Recorder
 * Food
 * Life Potion
 * 2nd Potion
 * Magical Rod
 * Book of Magic
 * Triforce

Overworld Enemies

 * Tektite
 * Octorok
 * Leever
 * Peahat
 * Moblin
 * Armos
 * Ghini
 * Lynel
 * Zola
 * Boulder

Underworld Enemies

 * Zol
 * Gel
 * Rope
 * Vire
 * Keese
 * Stalfos
 * Wallmaster
 * Goriya
 * Wizzrobe
 * Darknut
 * Pols Voice
 * Lanmola
 * Like Like
 * Gibdo
 * Moldorm
 * Patra
 * Bubble
 * Traps
 * Stone Statues

Bosses

 * Aquamentus
 * Dodongo
 * Manhandla
 * Gleeok
 * Digdogger
 * Gohma
 * Ganon